Skip to content

Example Of A 3.8 Paragraph Essay

Drafting is the stage of the writing process in which you develop a complete first version of a piece of writing.

Even professional writers admit that an empty page scares them because they feel they need to come up with something fresh and original every time they open a blank document on their computers. Because you have completed the first two steps in the writing process, you have already recovered from empty page syndrome. You have hours of prewriting and planning already done. You know what will go on that blank page: what you wrote in your outline.

Getting Started: Strategies For Drafting

Your objective for this portion of Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” is to draft the body paragraphs of a standard five-paragraph essay. A five-paragraph essay contains an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion. If you are more comfortable starting on paper than on the computer, you can start on paper and then type it before you revise. You can also use a voice recorder to get yourself started, dictating a paragraph or two to get you thinking. In this lesson, Mariah does all her work on the computer, but you may use pen and paper or the computer to write a rough draft.

Making the Writing Process Work for You

What makes the writing process so beneficial to writers is that it encourages alternatives to standard practices while motivating you to develop your best ideas. For instance, the following approaches, done alone or in combination with others, may improve your writing and help you move forward in the writing process:

  • Begin writing with the part you know the most about. You can start with the third paragraph in your outline if ideas come easily to mind. You can start with the second paragraph or the first paragraph, too. Although paragraphs may vary in length, keep in mind that short paragraphs may contain insufficient support. Readers may also think the writing is abrupt. Long paragraphs may be wordy and may lose your reader’s interest. As a guideline, try to write paragraphs longer than one sentence but shorter than the length of an entire double-spaced page.
  • Write one paragraph at a time and then stop. As long as you complete the assignment on time, you may choose how many paragraphs you complete in one sitting. Pace yourself. On the other hand, try not to procrastinate. Writers should always meet their deadlines.
  • Take short breaks to refresh your mind. This tip might be most useful if you are writing a multipage report or essay. Still, if you are antsy or cannot concentrate, take a break to let your mind rest. But do not let breaks extend too long. If you spend too much time away from your essay, you may have trouble starting again. You may forget key points or lose momentum. Try setting an alarm to limit your break, and when the time is up, return to your desk to write.
  • Be reasonable with your goals. If you decide to take ten-minute breaks, try to stick to that goal. If you told yourself that you need more facts, then commit to finding them. Holding yourself to your own goals will create successful writing assignments.
  • Keep your audience and purpose in mind as you write. These aspects of writing are just as important when you are writing a single paragraph for your essay as when you are considering the direction of the entire essay.

Of all of these considerations, keeping your purpose and your audience at the front of your mind is the most important key to writing success. If your purpose is to persuade, for example, you will present your facts and details in the most logical and convincing way you can.

Your purpose will guide your mind as you compose your sentences. Your audience will guide word choice. Are you writing for experts, for a general audience, for other college students, or for people who know very little about your topic? Keep asking yourself what your readers, with their background and experience, need to be told in order to understand your ideas. How can you best express your ideas so they are totally clear and your communication is effective?

Tip

You may want to identify your purpose and audience on an index card that you clip to your paper (or keep next to your computer). On that card, you may want to write notes to yourself—perhaps about what that audience might not know or what it needs to know—so that you will be sure to address those issues when you write. It may be a good idea to also state exactly what you want to explain to that audience, or to inform them of, or to persuade them about.

Writing at Work

Many of the documents you produce at work target a particular audience for a particular purpose. You may find that it is highly advantageous to know as much as you can about your target audience and to prepare your message to reach that audience, even if the audience is a coworker or your boss. Menu language is a common example. Descriptions like “organic romaine” and “free-range chicken” are intended to appeal to a certain type of customer though perhaps not to the same customer who craves a thick steak. Similarly, mail-order companies research the demographics of the people who buy their merchandise. Successful vendors customize product descriptions in catalogs to appeal to their buyers’ tastes. For example, the product descriptions in a skateboarder catalog will differ from the descriptions in a clothing catalog for mature adults.

Exercise 1

Using the topic for the essay that you outlined in Section 8.2 “Outlining”, describe your purpose and your audience as specifically as you can. Use your own sheet of paper to record your responses. Then keep these responses near you during future stages of the writing process.

My purpose: ____________________________________________

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

My audience: ____________________________________________

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

Setting Goals for Your First Draft

A draft is a complete version of a piece of writing, but it is not the final version. The step in the writing process after drafting, as you may remember, is revising. During revising, you will have the opportunity to make changes to your first draft before you put the finishing touches on it during the editing and proofreading stage. A first draft gives you a working version that you can later improve.

Writing at Work

Workplace writing in certain environments is done by teams of writers who collaborate on the planning, writing, and revising of documents, such as long reports, technical manuals, and the results of scientific research. Collaborators do not need to be in the same room, the same building, or even the same city. Many collaborations are conducted over the Internet.

In a perfect collaboration, each contributor has the right to add, edit, and delete text. Strong communication skills, in addition to strong writing skills, are important in this kind of writing situation because disagreements over style, content, process, emphasis, and other issues may arise.

The collaborative software, or document management systems, that groups use to work on common projects is sometimes called groupware or workgroup support systems.

The reviewing tool on some word-processing programs also gives you access to a collaborative tool that many smaller workgroups use when they exchange documents. You can also use it to leave comments to yourself.

Tip

If you invest some time now to investigate how the reviewing tool in your word processor works, you will be able to use it with confidence during the revision stage of the writing process. Then, when you start to revise, set your reviewing tool to track any changes you make, so you will be able to tinker with text and commit only those final changes you want to keep.

Discovering the Basic Elements of a First Draft

If you have been using the information in this chapter step by step to help you develop an assignment, you already have both a formal topic outline and a formal sentence outline to direct your writing. Knowing what a first draft looks like will help you make the creative leap from the outline to the first draft. A first draft should include the following elements:

  • An introduction that piques the audience’s interest, tells what the essay is about, and motivates readers to keep reading.
  • A thesis statement that presents the main point, or controlling idea, of the entire piece of writing.
  • A topic sentence in each paragraph that states the main idea of the paragraph and implies how that main idea connects to the thesis statement.
  • Supporting sentences in each paragraph that develop or explain the topic sentence. These can be specific facts, examples, anecdotes, or other details that elaborate on the topic sentence.
  • A conclusion that reinforces the thesis statement and leaves the audience with a feeling of completion.

These elements follow the standard five-paragraph essay format, which you probably first encountered in high school. This basic format is valid for most essays you will write in college, even much longer ones. For now, however, Mariah focuses on writing the three body paragraphs from her outline. Chapter 9 “Writing Essays: From Start to Finish” covers writing introductions and conclusions, and you will read Mariah’s introduction and conclusion in Chapter 9 “Writing Essays: From Start to Finish”.

The Role of Topic Sentences

Topic sentences make the structure of a text and the writer’s basic arguments easy to locate and comprehend. In college writing, using a topic sentence in each paragraph of the essay is the standard rule. However, the topic sentence does not always have to be the first sentence in your paragraph even if it the first item in your formal outline.

Tip

When you begin to draft your paragraphs, you should follow your outline fairly closely. After all, you spent valuable time developing those ideas. However, as you begin to express your ideas in complete sentences, it might strike you that the topic sentence might work better at the end of the paragraph or in the middle. Try it. Writing a draft, by its nature, is a good time for experimentation.

The topic sentence can be the first, middle, or final sentence in a paragraph. The assignment’s audience and purpose will often determine where a topic sentence belongs. When the purpose of the assignment is to persuade, for example, the topic sentence should be the first sentence in a paragraph. In a persuasive essay, the writer’s point of view should be clearly expressed at the beginning of each paragraph.

Choosing where to position the topic sentence depends not only on your audience and purpose but also on the essay’s arrangement, or order. When you organize information according to order of importance, the topic sentence may be the final sentence in a paragraph. All the supporting sentences build up to the topic sentence. Chronological order may also position the topic sentence as the final sentence because the controlling idea of the paragraph may make the most sense at the end of a sequence.

When you organize information according to spatial order, a topic sentence may appear as the middle sentence in a paragraph. An essay arranged by spatial order often contains paragraphs that begin with descriptions. A reader may first need a visual in his or her mind before understanding the development of the paragraph. When the topic sentence is in the middle, it unites the details that come before it with the ones that come after it.

Tip

As you read critically throughout the writing process, keep topic sentences in mind. You may discover topic sentences that are not always located at the beginning of a paragraph. For example, fiction writers customarily use topic ideas, either expressed or implied, to move readers through their texts. In nonfiction writing, such as popular magazines, topic sentences are often used when the author thinks it is appropriate (based on the audience and the purpose, of course). A single topic sentence might even control the development of a number of paragraphs. For more information on topic sentences, please see Chapter 6 “Writing Paragraphs: Separating Ideas and Shaping Content”.

Developing topic sentences and thinking about their placement in a paragraph will prepare you to write the rest of the paragraph.

Paragraphs

The paragraph is the main structural component of an essay as well as other forms of writing. Each paragraph of an essay adds another related main idea to support the writer’s thesis, or controlling idea. Each related main idea is supported and developed with facts, examples, and other details that explain it. By exploring and refining one main idea at a time, writers build a strong case for their thesis.

Paragraph Length

How long should a paragraph be?

One answer to this important question may be “long enough”—long enough for you to address your points and explain your main idea. To grab attention or to present succinct supporting ideas, a paragraph can be fairly short and consist of two to three sentences. A paragraph in a complex essay about some abstract point in philosophy or archaeology can be three-quarters of a page or more in length. As long as the writer maintains close focus on the topic and does not ramble, a long paragraph is acceptable in college-level writing. In general, try to keep the paragraphs longer than one sentence but shorter than one full page of double-spaced text.

Tip

Journalistic style often calls for brief two- or three-sentence paragraphs because of how people read the news, both online and in print. Blogs and other online information sources often adopt this paragraphing style, too. Readers often skim the first paragraphs of a great many articles before settling on the handful of stories they want to read in detail.

You may find that a particular paragraph you write may be longer than one that will hold your audience’s interest. In such cases, you should divide the paragraph into two or more shorter paragraphs, adding a topic statement or some kind of transitional word or phrase at the start of the new paragraph. Transition words or phrases show the connection between the two ideas.

In all cases, however, be guided by what you instructor wants and expects to find in your draft. Many instructors will expect you to develop a mature college-level style as you progress through the semester’s assignments.

Exercise 2

To build your sense of appropriate paragraph length, use the Internet to find examples of the following items. Copy them into a file, identify your sources, and present them to your instructor with your annotations, or notes.

  • A news article written in short paragraphs. Take notes on, or annotate, your selection with your observations about the effect of combining paragraphs that develop the same topic idea. Explain how effective those paragraphs would be.
  • A long paragraph from a scholarly work that you identify through an academic search engine. Annotate it with your observations about the author’s paragraphing style.

Starting Your First Draft

Now we are finally ready to look over Mariah’s shoulder as she begins to write her essay about digital technology and the confusing choices that consumers face. As she does, you should have in front of you your outline, with its thesis statement and topic sentences, and the notes you wrote earlier in this lesson on your purpose and audience. Reviewing these will put both you and Mariah in the proper mind-set to start.

The following is Mariah’s thesis statement.

Here are the notes that Mariah wrote to herself to characterize her purpose and audience.

Mariah chose to begin by writing a quick introduction based on her thesis statement. She knew that she would want to improve her introduction significantly when she revised. Right now, she just wanted to give herself a starting point. You will read her introduction again in Section 8.4 “Revising and Editing” when she revises it.

With her thesis statement and her purpose and audience notes in front of her, Mariah then looked at her sentence outline. She chose to use that outline because it includes the topic sentences. The following is the portion of her outline for the first body paragraph. The roman numeral II identifies the topic sentence for the paragraph, capital letters indicate supporting details, and arabic numerals label subpoints.

Mariah then began to expand the ideas in her outline into a paragraph. Notice how the outline helped her guarantee that all her sentences in the body of the paragraph develop the topic sentence.

Tip

If you write your first draft on the computer, consider creating a new file folder for each course with a set of subfolders inside the course folders for each assignment you are given. Label the folders clearly with the course names, and label each assignment folder and word processing document with a title that you will easily recognize. The assignment name is a good choice for the document. Then use that subfolder to store all the drafts you create. When you start each new draft, do not just write over the last one. Instead, save the draft with a new tag after the title—draft 1, draft 2, and so on—so that you will have a complete history of drafts in case your instructor wishes you to submit them.

In your documents, observe any formatting requirements—for margins, headers, placement of page numbers, and other layout matters—that your instructor requires.

Exercise 3

Study how Mariah made the transition from her sentence outline to her first draft. First, copy her outline onto your own sheet of paper. Leave a few spaces between each part of the outline. Then copy sentences from Mariah’s paragraph to align each sentence with its corresponding entry in her outline.

Continuing the First Draft

Mariah continued writing her essay, moving to the second and third body paragraphs. She had supporting details but no numbered subpoints in her outline, so she had to consult her prewriting notes for specific information to include.

Tip

If you decide to take a break between finishing your first body paragraph and starting the next one, do not start writing immediately when you return to your work. Put yourself back in context and in the mood by rereading what you have already written. This is what Mariah did. If she had stopped writing in the middle of writing the paragraph, she could have jotted down some quick notes to herself about what she would write next.

Preceding each body paragraph that Mariah wrote is the appropriate section of her sentence outline. Notice how she expanded roman numeral III from her outline into a first draft of the second body paragraph. As you read, ask yourself how closely she stayed on purpose and how well she paid attention to the needs of her audience.

Mariah then began her third and final body paragraph using roman numeral IV from her outline.

Exercise 4

Reread body paragraphs two and three of the essay that Mariah is writing. Then answer the questions on your own sheet of paper.

  1. In body paragraph two, Mariah decided to develop her paragraph as a nonfiction narrative. Do you agree with her decision? Explain. How else could she have chosen to develop the paragraph? Why is that better?
  2. Compare the writing styles of paragraphs two and three. What evidence do you have that Mariah was getting tired or running out of steam? What advice would you give her? Why?
  3. Choose one of these two body paragraphs. Write a version of your own that you think better fits Mariah’s audience and purpose.

Writing a Title

A writer’s best choice for a title is one that alludes to the main point of the entire essay. Like the headline in a newspaper or the big, bold title in a magazine, an essay’s title gives the audience a first peek at the content. If readers like the title, they are likely to keep reading.

Following her outline carefully, Mariah crafted each paragraph of her essay. Moving step by step in the writing process, Mariah finished the draft and even included a brief concluding paragraph (you will read her conclusion in Chapter 9 “Writing Essays: From Start to Finish”). She then decided, as the final touch for her writing session, to add an engaging title.

Writing Your Own First Draft

Now you may begin your own first draft, if you have not already done so. Follow the suggestions and the guidelines presented in this section.

Key Takeaways

  • Make the writing process work for you. Use any and all of the strategies that help you move forward in the writing process.
  • Always be aware of your purpose for writing and the needs of your audience. Cater to those needs in every sensible way.
  • Remember to include all the key structural parts of an essay: a thesis statement that is part of your introductory paragraph, three or more body paragraphs as described in your outline, and a concluding paragraph. Then add an engaging title to draw in readers.
  • Write paragraphs of an appropriate length for your writing assignment. Paragraphs in college-level writing can be a page long, as long as they cover the main topics in your outline.
  • Use your topic outline or your sentence outline to guide the development of your paragraphs and the elaboration of your ideas. Each main idea, indicated by a roman numeral in your outline, becomes the topic of a new paragraph. Develop it with the supporting details and the subpoints of those details that you included in your outline.
  • Generally speaking, write your introduction and conclusion last, after you have fleshed out the body paragraphs.

This is a derivative of Writing for Success by a publisher who has requested that they and the original author not receive attribution, originally released and is used under CC BY-NC-SA. This work, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

3.8 Paragraph building

Rationale

Knowing how to produce a well-structured, cohesive paragraph will help you to present your own ideas and understandings clearly, together with good supporting evidence for your argument(s).

Paragraph criteria

  • Has a topic sentence with a controlling idea
  • Has an appropriate number of supporting sentences (3-8 can be taken as a guide) which can include explanations and examples, as well as giving appropriate evidence and a link to your major argument (shown in the thesis statement)
  • Uses appropriate cohesive devices
  • Has only one main idea
  • Is written in an academic style
  • Is grammatically correct

Paragraph structure

Topic sentence:

  • The topic sentence for each paragraph introduces the controlling idea. Although it can come in the middle or at the end of the paragraph, it is a good idea to make it the first sentence. This allows you to present your own ideas so the writer’s voice (your voice) is evident.

Supporting sentences:

  • These include your own explanation(s), any examples, details and supporting facts you may want to give, and most importantly, evidence from your reading to support your arguments.

Concluding sentence:

  • This can sum up the main idea running through the paragraph and connect it to the main argument of the essay as a whole (as shown in the thesis statement in the introduction). It can also form a link with the following paragraph, although this link may be made at the beginning of that next paragraph.

NOTE 1: If your explanations need to be quite lengthy, you can put the evidence in a separate paragraph.

NOTE 2: Have you noticed how the structure of a paragraph reflects that of an essay as a whole:

PARAGRAPHESSAY
Topic sentence introduces the topic of the paragraph as a whole. One main controlling ideaIntroduction present the topic of the whole essay and includes the main argument (thesis statement).
Supporting sentences with explanations, examples, evidenceBody paragraphs which are the components of the argument, each giving further evidence
Concluding sentence summarises the main idea of the paragraph and links it to the main argumentConclusion summarises the significant points of the essay and re-states the thesis statement in different words

Cohesion within the paragraph

Cohesion is the term given for the ways of structuring the flow of information so that the links between ideas are clearly expressed. Four important ways of making writing ‘flow’ and ’stick together’ are:

  1. Use of TRANSITION SIGNALS such as conjunctions (e.g. and, although) and sentence connectives (e.g. however, finally). These show a logical relationship of ideas, e.g. but (contrasting/opposing idea); so (result); moreover (additional idea); lastly (time); because (reason).
  2. Use of REFERENCE through pronouns (e.g. he, it, we, they)
  3. REPETITION of key words and phrases in different forms (‘chains’ of words). (See below for examples.)
  4. THEMATISATION where the words before the first finite verb are the focus (or theme), and the idea they express may be linked to those at the beginning of the next clause or sentence. Alternatively the new information (after the first finite verb) in one sentence may become the theme in the next. (See below for examples).

The following paragraph shows what happens when cohesive devices are not used:

Students work efficiently sometimes. Students may set out detailed daily and weekly plans. There is a semester. Students allot regular rest and leisure activities. Students plot hourly study sessions. The approach to time management follows a pattern familiar from secondary school. Sometimes unforeseen events occur. There can be problems.

Here is the same paragraph using the techniques listed above:

Some students find they5 work more efficiently if1they5 can develop for themselves6 a detailed daily and weekly timetable for a whole semester. They7 allot regular periods for all rest and leisure activities and2 plot hourly study sessions. This8 approach to time management follows a pattern familiar from secondary school. However3 problems can arise when4 unforeseen events occur.

1. CONNECTIVES:

  • 1. If - a subordinating conjunction which introduces a condition (something may or may not happen).
  • 2. and - a co-ordinating conjunction introducing an additional idea.
  • 3. However - a sentence connective introducing a contrasting idea.
  • 4. when - a subordinating conjunction introducing a time clause.

2. REFERENCE:

  • 5. They (twice). This personal pronoun refers to ’some students’ and it its use avoids the need to keep repeating the word ’students’.
  • 6. Themselves - a reflexive pronoun referring back to the subject of the clause. In this case the subject of this clause is ‘they’ which of course refers to ’some students’.
  • 7. They - again referring to ’some students’.
  • 8. This - a demonstrative pronoun referring to ‘approach to time management’ which in turn refers back to the whole of the previous sentence. Notice that the phrase ‘approach to time management’ could be left out all together and the sentence would still make sense.

3. WORD CHAINS:

  • Words/phrases to do with the idea of studying:
    students
    timetable
    semester
    study sessions
    secondary school
  • Word/phrases related to time management:
    work more efficiently
    develop ... daily & weekly timetable
    allot regular periods for .... activities
    plot hourly study sessions
    approach to time management
  • Words/phrases related to difficulties:
    problems
    unforeseen event

4. THEMATISATION

Notice how the theme in most clauses is students (or ‘they’ referring to students)

Sentence 1Clause 1 Students find
Clause 2 they work ...
Clause 3 (if) they can develop ...
Sentence 2.Clause 1 They (again referring to students) allot
Clause 2 they plot ... Because the subject of this clause is the same as the previous one, it can be omitted. However ‘they’ is still understood even though it is not expressed.
Sentence 3Clause 1. This approach to time management follows ... Here the theme changes, but notice how the new information in the previous sentence forms the basis for theme in this sentence. The idea of allotting periods for some activities and plotting study sessions (which are ways of managing time) is picked up and thematised in the following sentence.
Sentence 4.Clause 1. (However) problems can arise
Once again the theme changes, but the sentence connective ‘however’ alerts the reader to the fact that a contrasting idea is coming, so that the smooth flow of information is not disrupted.
Clause 2. (when) unforeseen events occur
The idea of problems (that surprises can bring) which is the theme of the first clause is picked up and thematised in the second clause.

Notice how the themes in the paragraph change when a more academic style of writing is used:

A more efficient use of student timecan result from the development of a detailed daily and weekly timetable for the whole semester. This approach to time management through the allotment of hourly study sessions and allowance for regular rest periodsfollows a pattern familiar from secondary school. Nevertheless the occurrence of problems because of unforeseen eventscannot always be avoided.

The students have all but disappeared! The only time the word ’student’ appears is as a modifier for the noun ‘time’. In place of people acting on the world, there are abstract nouns representing ideas, and these are embedded in long, complex noun groups which form the themes of the three sentences.

The theme of the second sentence, this approach to time management ... picks up the idea expressed in the new information (the words after the finite verb group ‘can result’) in the first sentence ‘the development of a detailed ... timetable’.

The change of theme in the third sentence, the occurrence of problems ..., is signalled by the sentence connector ‘nevertheless’ which shows that a contrasting idea is to come.

Thematising whole clauses:

The idea in a dependent clause is subordinate to the one in the main clause and is very often written after the main clause.

e.g. Alex and Kim were late for their first lecture, because they lost the way to the auditorium.

However the writer may put the subordinate clause first in the prominent position in the sentence as a whole when s/he wants to draw attention to the idea expressed in it.

e.g. Because Alex and Kim lost the way to the auditorium, they were late for their first lecture.

Cohesion across paragraphs - sample essay plan and annotated paragraphs

NOTE 1: This section is to show how to link ideas in an essay, across the paragraphs. Only the introduction and first three body paragraphs have been written.

NOTE 2: The "sources" used for evidence and their dates have been made up.

Essay topic:
The first year at university can be considered as a form of culture shock. Briefly outline its causes, then discuss its effects and what measures could be taken to assist first-year students studying in Australian universities.

  1. Introduction
    1. orientation statement
    2. thesis statement
    3. *outline
    4. *definitition of any technical term
    * Optional elements. Order of elements (optional or obligatory may be vaired
  2. Causes of culture shock
    1. Academic
      - Differences in teaching/learning approaches
      - Differences in assessment techniques
    2. Daily life
      - Increased demands managing work and study
      - Differences in friendship and leisure activities
  3. Effects of culture shock
    1. Stress manifested through:
      - loss of confidence
      - feelings of being cheated, deceived
      - irritation and anger
      - difficulty in sleeping
    2. Poorer marks than achieved in previous studies, or even failure
  4. Measures to deal with culture shock
    1. Preparation prior to entering university
    2. Adequate support in the early stages of studying
  5. Conclusion
    1. Summary of major points of essay
    2. Restatement of thesis
IntroductionExplanatory notes
1.Increasing numbers of students are entering university through a non-traditional form of entry, but even those who come directly from school can face difficulties in their first weeks of study. 2.The changes in their lives can lead to a form of culture shock which may be defined as the feeling of disorientation resulting from being subjected to an unfamiliar way of life. 3.This essay will examine the causes and effects of culture shock 4.and argue that good support in the early stages of tertiary study can not only alleviate the stress many students experience, but also mitigate against negative effects and help them achieve well in their studies. (108 words) 1.Orientation statement giving the reader some background information and introducing the topic. This reassures that the essay is answering the question.
2.Definition of the term culture shock.
3.Brief outline of essay(no details needed at this stage).
4.Thesis statement, Main argument of the essay which will be supported with evidence in the body of the essay.
Body paragraph 1Explanatory notes
5For the majority of students there are significant challenges to be met at the beginning of their university career, both in the academic and personal sphere. 6Mature age, international and special entry students may have little idea of what tertiary studies will entail. School leavers on the other hand could find the contrast between school lessons and the formal lecture difficult to handle. Further problems could arise through lack of understanding of what is required in both written and oral assessment tasks. 7.Devlin (2003) notes that ...5. Topic sentence introducing the first two points - two causes of culture shock in the academic and personal areas. 6.After the general topic sentence, details, explanations and examples are given. 7.Evidence to support the idea of the challenges of adapting to a different academic culture.
Body paragraph 2Explanatory notes
8.As well as finding themselves in an unfamiliar academic environment, students can be confronted with loneliness and a lack of time for leisure activities with friends. 9.One leading cause of alienation is, according to de Freitas (2004), the necessity to fit in study around the demands of work outside the university. She points out that this is "a relatively recent phenomenon" (p.14) brought about by ...8.Topic sentence introducing the subject of the paragraph. First part of the sentence links with the previous paragraph "As well as ...) 9.Explanation and evidence for cause of loneliness and alienation.
Body paragraph 3Explanatory notes
10.As a result of these pressures, stress levels in first-year students may reach unmanageably high levels. 11.A lower than expected mark on the first essay often results in a severe loss of confidence and an unwillingness to try again. 12.Figures from the Council of Universities (2000) show that one of the most common times for students to drop out is toward the end of the first semester, a time when the first assignment has just been returned.10. Topic sentence introducing the subject of the paragraph. "These pressures" provides a link with previous paragraph. ‘As a result’ signals a discussion of the effects of culture shock. 11. Explanation/details of effects. 12. Evidence from scholarly source.

Self-Test D | Self-Test E